To all circuses and zoos,
I have a very rare breed of monkey children that I am sure you would be interested in.
Their talents include:
-Destroying a completely clean room in less than 10 seconds
-Never being full no matter how much you feed them
-Producing a very high pitched, loud shriek that can wake the dead
-Throwing a world-class fit at the moment when it is most inconvenient
-Getting into such strange and mind-boggling predicaments they defy description
-Using up an entire box of band-aids in 5 minutes for one nearly invisible scratch
-Begging for months for a certain something for the next birthday/Christmas and then the night before said event when you have spent days searching all over town and the internet for this item, changing their mind completely and denying ever wanting such a boring toy.
These are just a few of their many, many abilities sure to stun and amaze all of your visitors. I am sure they would make a fascinating attraction for your establishment. I am asking $10,000 each. I assure you this is a bargain compared to what I will be spending on them over the next 15+ years.
This is a limited time offer as I am sure my conscience will kick in any minute when they give me one of their irresistible smiles and tell me they love me. Don't miss out on this great opportunity to enhance your appeal.
Dang, they're fast!