New Arrival

This is our new kitten, who doesn't have a name quite yet, but she will soon.



I love her to death!


possible names are:

1) Bastet - Egyptian cat goddess
2) Calliope - Greek muse of heroic poetry (I mainly just like how it sounds)
3) Kami - Japanese giant catfish who causes earthquakes (I dare you to look at her and not laugh out loud at this)
4) Ky-Lin - Chinese unicorn with yin yang balance
5) Maneki Neko - Japanese lucky cat
6) Nyx - Greek goddess of night
7) Kali - Hindi for black or dark one
8) Sable - y'know, cuz she's black
9) Sucki - Algonquin for black



Feel free to weigh in with your opinion or suggestions. :)

A bit of Lace

I finally took some pictures of my Brandywine shawl by Romi, made with Manos Del Uruqual Silk Blend in the Abalone colorway. I really love how it turned out. :)

DSPS and Chronotherapy

Have you heard of Stumble? It is this very, very cool thing. When you sign up or download it or however it works (my husband did it for me, don't know the process), you have a little button on your browser which says "Stumble". When you click this amazing little button, you are whisked away to sites on the interwebs which match your interests. (It's not psychic, you have to tell it your interests). Mine are knitting, jewelry, psychology, writing and I think religion or something like that. So whenever I click the button I am taken to an awesome site that I probably never would have found otherwise.

So, I was stumbling earlier and a site popped up which talked about Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome (DSPS). Now, you already know that sleep and I have a very strained relationship at the moment, so my interest was piqued. I could have written the list of symptoms. It is exactly what I have been experiencing. So, the treatments for this have nothing to do with medications. And it's not really like I am going to go around saying "I have DSPS!" But, I am going to try the Chronotherapy suggestion to try and get my body back on a normal sleep schedule.

The Chronotherapy schedule looks like this:

Day 1: Sleep at 4AM, Wake at 12 noon
Day 2: Sleep at 7AM, Wake at 3PM
Day 3: Sleep at 10AM, Wake at 6PM
Day 4: Sleep at 1PM. Wake at 9PM
Day 5: Sleep at 4PM, Wake at 12 midnight
Day 6: Sleep at 7PM, Wake at 3AM
Day 7: Sleep at 10PM, Wake at 6AM

It is a little intense, but I really feel it will work for me. Plus, with my husband's current schedule and my oldest in school, it pretty much works out that no children will be neglected during this. My little one has been taking a nap with me every day since the older one started school, and it works out schedule-wise that whenever my husband has to be away from home, she and I can take a nap together. It really is the perfect week for this to happen, and I just found this today. Serendipitous? I think so.

So, I sit here not feeling any guilt at all for being away at 2AM, which is amazing. I'll let you know how it goes.

FYI, there is a new podcast episode up, so check that out if you are so inclined. And I will leave just one more note to say that I started a project today which involves cashmere and silk. I am in heaven!

Ever since I was little, I wanted to be amazing at something. When I was a kid that translated in my mind to being the best, the expert, the number one head cheese person at whatever it was. I had (and still do) a lot of different areas where I thought I could accomplish this, and I did (and still do) have a tendency to dream big.

When I was little, my dream was to be a star on Broadway. I love to sing and I really love the passion in musicals. I feel like you can get more across in a musical song than just a few minutes on the radio singing yet another fluffy love song. There are amazing musicians who get a ton of emotion through their songs on the radio, but something about Broadway music has always spoken to me.

In high school I was also always good at writing. I wrote a few poems, that I still really like. I don't know if they are really any good as far as poetry goes, but I like what I was able to communicate through them. I discovered in my senior year through being mistakenly placed in a non-fiction AP English class, that analyzing The Scarlet Letter was totally not my thing and non-fiction made so much more sense. I read "The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat" and wrote an essay on it which my fabulous teacher read out loud to the class. I wasn't there that day, but definitely heard about it later. I discovered that when I had less restrictions and could just say what I really think, I can write it pretty well.

A few years ago I got frustrated with not being able to find clothing that was both flattering and covered my body completely. I don't like things that are too tight or too low cut or basically too revealing and I was tired of having to buy three shirts just to cover my cleavage and torso at the same time. So I had grand plans for learning to sew and make my own patterns. I thought I could be so amazing at it that I would open my own boutique. My husband even bought me an old text book on how to make your own patterns. But it confused me and that fell by the wayside.

Then I learned jewelry and took off with that. I love playing with the beads and the colors and mixing them in ways that make me feel happy. I opened an etsy shop, went to a craft show and even held a few in home shows to sell my stuff. I haven't done too badly at this, and I have received a lot of great feedback from those who love my stuff. But, I think it might be a little too...I dunno. It's not really artsy enough to make me feel like I am an amazing jewelry artist. I just string beads together.

Not long ago I took a few Psychology classes and planned to not just become a practicing Psychologist, but get a PhD and perhaps even do research. I love Psychology, it completely fascinates me. And I often look at situations with a sort of psychological observance; wondering what it is that made so-and-so choose this and not that. I am constantly saying things like, "Wouldn't it be interesting to study..." and even go on to think of how you would go about conducting the research. This is also on hold because of my own mental health issues that make it nearly impossible to be a reliable student. One minute, I might be able to write a good essay, and the next I can't even concentrate enough to read the chapter. Plus, we already have one student in the house. I think two would kill us.

Now, I also knit. I have designed and actually knit up one sweater for my mom. It is nice. I learned quite a bit from it and I think I could do it again. But I'm not really driven to design from scratch. There are so many gorgeous patterns out there. What I like to do is take an existing pattern and make it mine by changing the color or the sleeves or a little of the shape. But this is what a lot of knitters do, so I am not special there.

My mother always says that it is easiest to be happy in life when you enjoy simple things. And I think that is completely true and I do enjoy many simple things, like a nice breeze or a gorgeous color or a delicious meal. But I still have this something in me that really wants to do and be something big. And not that I have to be famous or even all that well known. I just want to do something that makes me feel I have been heard, even a little. It is this that drives me to blog and podcast. It is this that makes me want to write a book, even though I am terrified of trying to get it published. It is this that pushes me to dream of all the ways I could be an amazing and successful person.

If I step out of myself a bit and try to look at my life objectively, I have done many amazing things and been successful at many others. I taught myself to play the piano, make jewelry and knit. I am highly self-motivated when I want something. I do not wait for life to bring me things, I go out and get it if I can. I have lived through a horrible and debilitating depression, which at times was nothing short of a miracle. I have kept two small human beings alive for several years. I am still married and as far as I know my husband still likes me quite a bit. I am definitely not a loser.

So why do I still want more?

Maybe it is because I am still rather young and I still sometimes start sentences with "When I grow up...".

Maybe it is because I have spent most of my life living for others and not myself so I have a hunger to do something that is completely mine. To create something that has nothing to do with anyone else and is all my creation. And I want that something to be successful, to be seen and heard and enjoyed by others.

Maybe it is nothing deep and philosophical at all and I just want people to say nice things about me.

I am very conflicted as to how to deal with this. On the one hand there is a voice in my head telling me to just be satisfied with being me and living this life and not to go looking for more. On the other hand, I am not sure this feeling will ever go away unless I achieve what I want.

What do I do?

Nudist

My three-year-old loves to be naked. For that matter, so do I, but I have enough sense to be clothed when in public. My little one seems to think that clothes are only for if you are going outside, and even then she tries to sneak out there with nothing, not even shoes. Needless to say, this has been a frustrating habit.

Today, she wanted to go out and meet my oldest from the bus, but of course she didn't have a stitch on (I usually give up around the third dressing). My husband was trying to keep her inside and attempted to explain that she couldn't leave the house without clothing.

He said, "You can't leave the house, kid. You're ugly."

A half second later we were both rolling on the floor over his slip of the tongue. Poor kid, I hope that one doesn't stick.

If you have already listened to my latest podcast, you'll know that yesterday was my oldest's first day of Kindergarten and that I experienced some major anxiety over this. I am happy to report that I am doing much better today. I might even be able to handle sending my kid off to school everyday. I know, a major accomplishment.

I think it helped a lot that my husband put her on the bus, so I didn't have to watch it eat her and drive off.

Well, I probably need to make my kid less ugly by putting some clothes on her again, so I better go. Hope you have a great day!

Tentatively

That describes how I have been approaching knit blogging and podcasting. I am a bit nervous about my adeptness at this whole thing. I love doing it, but I'm not sure whether or not I am really good enough at it to continue. I like to talk about myself and what I am doing and things that I like, but I worry that no one really likes to listen.

But, my podcast has continued to gain subscribers and I have received many positive remarks from complete strangers. And most amazing of all, my husband has complemented both my blog and my podcast. This is a man who is so honest he will actually tell me when I look fat in my jeans. This is a trait that I had to acquire a taste for, but if you think about it, I am glad I have someone who won't let me go out in public looking like a sausage stuffed into denim.

Anyway, I have decided to go at this whole hog. I am going to throw caution to the wind and just do it. I love doing it and the more I let that through and the less I worry about it, the better it will be.

So, whether you are reading or not, listening or not, care or not; I am putting my two cents out there, and my two cents has a lot to do with knitting.

There is a new podcast up, go check it out if you are so inclined. Also, there is a ravelry group for those who listen to the podcast. I also have set up a donation area on the podbean page to help with the costs of hosting. As an incentive, if you donate at least $5 you will be put into a monthly drawing for a set of stitch markers handmade by me.

In the meantime, happy knitting. And look out world, here I come.

Rude Awakening

I have trouble getting to sleep at night, which is why yesterday morning after I put on PBS for the kids I went to lie down for a little doze. I was rudely awakened by the doorbell. I grabbed my bathrobe and ventured out to the front door, discovering on the way that the front room had been destroyed by the girls and my 3-year-old had stripped naked...again.

I cracked the door open trying to hide the naked child and disastrous mess behind me. It was a woman come to inspect my house. Yes, inspect. Twice a year the property management company sends someone to inspect my house to make sure that we are not running a meth lab or housing an infestation of rats. Usually, I get a letter letting me know when to expect her about a week before so that I can properly panic and prepare. This time there was no letter. I sent her away and called my husband. He called the property management people and complained about not receiving a letter. They were very nice and treated us like we must be criminals with something to hide since we wouldn't let her come in the house.

Now, I am the first to admit that I am no neat freak. If you are being nice, I live in organized chaos. If you are being truthful, I am a slob. Throw in a debilitating bout of depression for the past three years and you get a pile of mess that could hide a Snuffleupagus. Since I have been feeling better, I had set up a mental plan of attack to get us back in good shape. But the arrival of the knit-picky Nazi threw all my well-made plans right out the window.

In a panic we called in reinforcements and spent all day cleaning. Laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, tidying, dusting, vacuuming and even carpet cleaning. From top to bottom we scrubbed and scoured. We had to reschedule the inspection and we were told it could be as early as the very next day, so we fixed it all in a flurry.

It is now the next day (and we still haven't heard when to expect her back) and I am still bone tired. On the bright side, it's all done. And barring another terrible relapse, it should stay this way.

In the mean time, there is another podcast episode up and I have started a ravelry group for listeners of the podcast. It is called Baubles and Purls. Check it out!

Now, I am going to put on a good movie or a nice podcast, eat sugar-free candy and knit, knit, knit.